I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be. Show less «

I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.

I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value. Show less «

[on Senator Charles Chuck Schumer] He's my dad's cousin. I definitely grew up knowing him - not knowing that it mattered that he was in politics, and not really dealing with it at all. The first time it came up was when my sister and I were arrested for shoplifting. We were arrested for grand larceny, and [the cops] were like, 'You're lucky you have this last name.' And they pleaded it down, to like disturbing the peace or something. I really thought that shit was off the record, until I was on Last Comic and they asked me if I had any arrests, and I was like, 'Eh, not really.' They have real lawyers - it's like General Electric - and they knew everything I'd stolen. Show less «

I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard.

I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mother was extremely devoted to this notion. Show less «

To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people. Show less «

I've had a lot of sex in my life, and no bullshit, 80 per cent of those were Irish people. Don't applaud that. You know what that means. Show less «

[on being offered her first movie role] My dream was that I would be the head bartender in a restaurant in Times Square, so this is good. Show less «

[on training for her title role in Inside Amy Schumer (2013)] I was like, "Maybe I don't need to do anything. They asked me to star in a movie. Am I maybe gorgeous?" I think every girl has this little secret suspicion. But then my stunt double was a guy. Show less «

The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.

My comedy is unapologetic and fearless. Like, sometimes you'll wind up having condomless sex with someone that you probably shouldn't. I'm interested in sharing that part of myself unapologetically so that other people will hopefully feel better. Show less «

I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that. Show less «

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.

I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh. Show less «