I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath. Show less «

[announcing his intended retirement from The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005), 2014] CBS and I are not getting divorced, we are consciously uncoupling. But we will spend holidays together and share custody of the fake horse and robot skeleton, both of whom we love very much.. I'll go and do something else. Probably, I'm thinking, carpentry. But I haven't made my mind up yet. Show less «

I haven't had a drink in thirteen years", he said on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005) on February 1, 2005, speaking about his alcoholism. "But, occasionally, I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one beer, I wake up in Tijuana four days later with a tattoo and a sore ass Show less «

Change is the law of the universe and resisting it is the source of all pain