My idea of hell is being stuck in a shower with Jackie Stallone.

I don't know any successful comedians who haven't worked their nuts off.

I don't enjoy the fame bit. I'm pleased when people say they like what I do but I can't go to pubs. People are much more familiar when they're drunk. They'll say: 'Come over here and meet all my mates and speak to my sister on my phone.' If you refuse and they're pissed they'll say: 'Oh, he's too big for his boots.' So you don't go to pubs. The perk is earning a good living. Show less «

If you permed a fox I think it'd look a bit like Mick Hucknall. I actually think it'd be kinder to perm them than hunt them. And they'd be too embarrassed to go out and bother the sheep. Show less «

I know loads of people who do it and I don't understand it. It's a medium for comedians to get rid of shoddy, half-baked ideas that wouldn't make it into a comedy set. It seems like it's for sad, needy people who should have a word with themselves. There's something very macho about that - about how many followers you have. Jesus had followers but he had something important to say, not: 'Had a bath, watched Sex And The City.' It's not healthy. All these people who are receiving your messages - sitting at bus stops, or at home with the family - they're not engaged with the world, they're checking their f***ing phone and you're just adding to that white noise of bulls***. There's someone on Twitter who pretends to be me but as long as he doesn't say anything damaging, I don't care. Let him get on with it. (On Twitter) Show less «