Adam West : I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.

Adam West : [after killing a Noid that ruined most of his pizza]  Perhaps it was the Noid who should have avoided me.
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Adam West : [after hearing Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland singing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing"]  I love this song! And I love it more when amateurs sing the lyrics! But I hate baseball cards.
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Police Officer : Hey. That's Against the law. You're coming with me.
Peter Griffin : [singing to the tune of U Can't Touch this]  Ah ah ah. Can't Touch Me/ Can't Touch me/ Ja ja ja ja just like the bad guy/ from Lethal Weapon 2/ I've got diplomatic Immunity/ so Hammer, you can't sue/ I can write graffiti even jay-walk in the streets/ I can Riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister's teat/ Can't touch me/ Can't touch me/
Adam West : What in God's name is he doing?
Peter Griffin : Can't Touch me.
Cleveland : I believe that's the worm.
Peter Griffin : [still singing]  Can't touch me/ STOP, Peter time/ I'm a big shot, there's no doubt/ light a fire then pee it out/ Don't like it, kiss my rump/ Just for a minute, let's all do the bump/ Can't touch me/ Yeah, do the Peter Griffin Bump/ Can't touch me/ I'm Presidential Peter/ Interns think I'm hot/ Don't care if you're handicapped, I'll still park in your spot/ I've been around the world/ from Hartford to Back Bay/ It's Peter, Go Peter, I'm so Peter, Yo Peter, Let's see Regis rap this way/ Can't touch me.
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Doctor : Mayor West, I'm afraid you have lymphoma.
Adam West : Oh.
Doctor : Probably from rolling around in that toxic waste.
Adam West : I see.
Doctor : What in God's name were you trying to prove?
Adam West : I was trying to gain super powers.
Doctor : Well, that's just silly!
Adam West : Silly, yes. Idiotic, yes.
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[Adam West is trying to win a promotion for Pawtucket Pat's brewery, and is talking to a beer bottle] 
Adam West : Now you listen to me, you long-necked bastard. Give me that silver scroll, and I'll make you Head of Sanitation for the entire city. It's a do-nothing job, sweet-cake.
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Adam West : Damnit, Swanson, I want them found!
Joe Swanson : Mayor West, we have every available man looking for the Griffins, we just don't have any leads.
Adam West : Not the Griffins, you moron! The rest of my Lite Brite pieces! My name isn't "Adam We"... or is it? Who am I? What number did you call? Don't ever call here again.
[he hangs up the phone] 
Adam West : I guess I told him! Nobody messes with Adam We!
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