Tom Baker : I used to go out with a girl who smelled like a bonfire.
Ian Hislop : She was a witch, was she?
Tom Baker : She may have been a witch, but oh, she was a goer!
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[caption competition - a photo of a solemn-looking Angus wearing a motorbike helmet with a skull and crossbones on it, but also wearing a shirt and tie as per usual. A biker is in the background] 
Paul Merton : General Pinochet's right hand man arrested at last.
Ian Hislop : New chapter opens of Hells Chartered ants.
Tom Baker : How do you like your blue-eyed boy, Mr Death?
[this draws the biggest laugh from the audience] 
Ian Hislop : Angus takes his stabilisers off.
Paul Merton : Your toupee'll be ready in a moment, Mr Deayton.
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Tom Baker : He's so depressing!
Guest : Well, this is Dr Who and Dr Doom.
Tom Baker : Give us a bit of hope, Cock?
Guest : Things are bad for bankers in the City. Have you heard the joke that's going round? What's the difference between a Banker and a Pigeon? A Pigeon can leave a deposit on a Lamborghini...
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Tom Baker : I find as my sight diminishes I get on better with people. I just got out of an affair with my wife.
Paul Merton : If she finds out she'll be furious.
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Tom Baker : [Sarah Palin]  She's put the Hot in Hot but she's also put the Alas in Alaska.

Tom Baker : The Sarah Palin doll is also available in a "Dirty Schoolgirl" version.
Guest : I've wanted to meet you for so long! Now look at it!
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